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Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom Review

More of the same is what you can expect from the average, yet still entertaining Jurassic World, which contains enjoyable setpieces, but sadly remains loyal to a tired Jurassic narrative that has managed to drive the series into a figurative creative writer's block. Let me explain by first briefly talking about the movie and it's horrible sense of pacing.

We start with mercenaries shipping off the Indominus's Rex's tooth (The main antagonist dinosaur of Jurassic world). However, the mission goes wrong as per usual, the Mosasaurus escapes and kills a mercenary in the process, and the T-Rex makes an appearance.

Back on America, there's a political debate raging about whether or not to save the dinosaurs, after it is revealed a volcano is about to erupt and engulf all of Isla Nublar in it's detonation, killing the last dinosaurs on Earth. The political commentary about how debates of ethics are dividing our country in these segments with Doctor Ian Malcolm and the jury and senators is less then subtle but still puts across the theme in a cohesive storytelling means.

From here, we are reintroduced back to the well known scientist whom outran a Tyrannosaurus Rex in high heels, Claire Dearing. Reforming herself from a staunch bureaucrat to an animal (chiefly dinosaur) rights activist, Claire commands a troop of enthusiastic fresh out of college children that work around the clock to contact members of the US Government to convince them to initiate rescue operations.

Claire is contacted by Eli Mills, the secretary for Benjamin Lockwood, as we find out later, an old friend of Hammond. I can't help but feel the Hammond connection was shoehorned in, but nevertheless at least it gave a harkeaning of nostalgia.Claire is tasked with saving the dinosaurs, but Eli tells her the Raptor Blue from the original movie is super important.

Of course, this is a means of bringing Chris Pratt's Owen Grady into the film, who we see building a new house, for some... reason. Claire takes Owen to a bar and tries to convince him to help out the dinos, to which Owen says no, adamantly. Of course this isn't the case because later that night he watches footage of himself raising Blue and gets all sappy.

While we're at it, the two stereotype characters are introduced, Geeky Science Kid and Biology Girl. Both of their personalities are strictly limited to their roles as side characters meant for comedic relief. Science Kid furthers the story in the most stupidest and illogical way later on.

Owen and crew arrive on the island meet with strange mercenary rogues whom they don't question whatsoever because plot, and together they try and 'rescue' the dinosaurs. Claire and Science Kid remain at a control panel area while Owen, Stereotypical Mercenary Guy, and Biology Girl head out to grab Blue the raptor superhero.

Owen convinces Blue to trust him, but then Blue is shot by a mercenary when several tranqs were shot into her. In response, Owen decides to try and punch the mercenary captain in the face. WHAT!? Even if Owen's bond to Blue is special and unbreakable, I doubt he'd risk his life by charging the captain of a mercenary army. But what do I know?

Biology Girl then does another stupid thing, aim a loaded gun at the captain and get outgunned by his men. She gets arrested and forced to revive Blue while leaving Owen in the dust. She didn't even negotiate for his release when an ACTIVE VOLCANO WAS SPEWING.

So Owen barely manages to escape in an admittedly funny comedic sequence, and manages to escape at the beach where the mercenaries are. The volcano erupts, and all hell breaks loose.

Meanwhile, Claire and Tech Guy find themselves trapped in their control bunker with lava entering through the crevices, and a Baryonyx trying to snap their legs off. And yes, this scene was harrowing, especially the one with the dinosaur trying to eat Tech Guy and Claire in the small pipe. I'll give this movie that, it can construct VERY suspenseful sequences.

The two manage to escape and meet Owen, and together they try and get off the island. Claire and Tech Guy enter a Gyrosphere but fall into the water. There's also a cool scene where the T-Rex chomps on the Carnotaurus's neck, I didn't get why the dinosaurs were killing each other right then when they could've waited. There is a cloud of ash and lava heading towards them.

Anyways, after a very well choreographed scene where Owen saves Tech Guy and Claire from the flooded Gyrosphere, they wash up on a beach coast and realise the bad guys tricked them all along. Well, a surprise for them, not to us.

Our heroes pull off some epic stunts involving exploding barrels and a moving boat, but manage to somehow blend in with the mercenaries on board. When their truck just smashed onto the hangar in front of them MOMENTS ago. Ah well, bad guys.

Speaking of bad guys, they begin herding and enslaving the dinosaurs, to provoke some Lost World imagery. I gotta say, after seeing these dinos indiscriminately slaughter for five movies my feelings for whenever the poor little T-Rex is zapped aren't really there. Shoulda made a T-Rex spinoff on Netflix to expand the Jurassic Cinematic Universe.

Either way, Owen and crew find Biology Girl operating on Blue inside a truck. Post some comedic banter, they're instructed to get blood from a T-Rex and use it to revive Blue... because of the finger number similarities between a raptor and a T-Rex... What?

So, after a gut-wrenching scene, Owen extracts the blood and the gang uses it to revive Blue. Hooray!

The cruiser arrives at North California, where the villains nefariously plan to sell the dinosaurs too black market dealers, arms sellers, terrorists, and their ilk. Meanwhile, our heroes are discovered and captured by the mercenaries.

Trapped in the underground basement, Owen uses a pretty weird whistle trick to convince a Pachysepholosaurus to break the two out and cause trouble overall for the auction.

To set up a sequel, many dinosaurs are already sold during the auction to evil terrorist dealers by Eli Mills and Gunnar Eversol, the latter being an auction guy helping out Mills.

The Pachy escapes and begins a brutal murder spree of the auction-goers. And yes, the movie plays happy go lucky music as people are getting their bones broken and heads smashed into little fragments...

Owen and Claire escape from their cell and find Maisie, a little girl I forgot to mention earlier because she's so insignificant to the plot aside from one twist that means absolutely nothing. They all team up and decide to escape, only to run into Mills and some security guards.

Mills states that Maisie, Benjamin Lockwood's grand-daughter, was a CLONE, which is why Hammond and Lockwood broke up.

My question is, why put a human cloning subplot in the midst of a movie about rampaging dinosaurs!? WHO'S IDEA WAS THIS!? This is the Canto Bight scene of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom hands down.

Anyways the Indoraptor is revealed, being the crazy ultimate hybrid dinosaur of this movie, a smaller, sleeker, and more terrifying version of the I-Rex. It also sports a yellow stripe because why not.

Indoraptor goes on a rampage, first starting with the mercenary captain Ken Wheatley who tries to take a TOOTH from it. Granted this plays out in a humorous scene where Ken is brutally murdered in the process, but still, what an idiot.

And Ken just doomed several others, as Eversol attempts a daring escape via an elevator but finds himself trapped and subsequently devoured. A lady in the theater began cackling at this moment, so, make of that what you will.

Alright then the Indoraptor chases after Maisie, a harrowing action sequence and Owen and Claire falling in love scene later, and it's dead.

At the finale, it's realised the dinosaurs will die since there is poison gas flooding into the chamber. Owen and Claire realise the greater good and refuse to open the doors, but MAISIE OPENS THE DOORS.

Why!? Because she's a clone and so are they, or some stupid shit. Congratulations, you just doomed the human race little girl.

Well, this movie was OK. it had tons of reliance on action setpieces and not much character growth or development occurred. The villains were flat, the dinosaurs were cool, so take a 6/10 Fallen Kingdom. You tried.

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